He Wasn't Okay
by PrinceCaitie
Summary: Tossing and turning every night, Nine can't stop thinking about the recent deaths of Two, Eight, Five, Six and One that he caused. Constantly depressed and upset, he needs someone to talk to. What happens when he awakes in the middle of the night from a nightmare and talks to Seven about his problem? Trigger warning: Suicide attempt.


_So, this is my first 9 Fanfic and I'm only new to the fandom. I barely write so please don't judge my writing skills! Set after the movie :)_

 _Trigger warning: Suicide attempt._

Nine tossed and turned in his small bed, moving his legs all around and scrunching up his face as horrid memories returned to his dreams, turning them into nightmares. His optics were tightly closed and his breathing began to rapidly pace faster and faster. He grabbed tightly onto his covers and pulled them over his head with frustration as the memories continued to play. He saw his friends who had died weeks ago being killed by the machines and it kept on playing throughout his nightmare, as they lead through each stitchpunk. He couldn't handle it anymore. He unknowingly grabbed his head tightly and squeezed hard, yelling aloud in his sleep 'I never meant to! It's not my FAULT!'

He screamed and woke up in his bed, panting and felt a tight feeling twist around in his chest. His breathing began to slow down and he felt his head beginning to hurt, as he slowly sat up. He placed his hand on his face and rubbed it slowly, pulling it down and stretching out his fabric. He could feel his heart beginning to break and guilt started to slowly haunt him as he remembered what he had dreamt about.

 _He had killed his friends._

 _They might not come back._

 _It was all his fault._

 _He started that mess._

Those thoughts began racing through his head and he could feel a shiver run through his stitches as he remembered how it all began. If Nine wasn't as curious as he was, he would've never caused the machine to wake and take away Two's soul. He didn't know Two for a long time, but the fact that he accidentally killed him constantly haunted his mind.

Nine buried his head in his hands and murmured 'I did this... I caused this mess...'

Nine looked towards the door of his room and heard small tip toeing scatter across the hard, wooden ground. He squinted into the darkness and saw a small, stitch punk figure enter the room. Nine realized who it was; it was Seven.

'Hey,' Seven whispered walking over to his bed and sitting down beside him. 'You okay? I heard some screaming,'

Seven knew why he had screamed. For the past few weeks, Seven had noticed him becoming out of focus and a lot more sleepy. He was also feeling very sad and Seven could definitely tell by the way he acted and his facial expression that was permanently planted on his face. Seven, Three and Four would always read books together while Nine would spend some time alone and sit down in a random, quiet place in the library.

Seven knew something was up.

'Y-yeah, I'm fine... I guess,' Nine whispered. 'I, uh... Accidentally hit my head,'

Seven shook her head and replied 'Right... You yelled _"It's not my fault!"_ when you hit your head?'

Nine attempted to smile in response and sighed loudly, looking down to the floor and trying to hide his face. He fiddled his mechanical fingers together, biting the fabric across his bottom lip and placed his hand on the back of his head.

'Yeah, there's... Um, there's something wrong,'

'What is it?' Seven asked with great concern, crossing her legs on the bed, tilting her head in response. Nine sighed again and looked down towards his hands, thinking about how those small fingers caused him to do powerful things. Awful, powerful things. Like murder.

'I-I've been having nightmares... I keep thinking about what happened with Two, Eight, Five, Six and One. I feel awful and guilty,' Nine responded. 'I killed them,'

'Okay, first of all; you didn't kill them! None of that was your fault,' Seven responded, putting her hand on the fabric of Nine's shoulder.

'Yes, it was! I-I started this whole mess! If I didn't do anything to mess with the machine, Two wouldn't be dead!'

Seven looked him, her smile developing into a concerned frown. She knew he was upset about something in particular, Seven only thought that he was just still in shock by what happened the few weeks ago. Nine was just as torn up as Seven, Three and Four. Maybe even more torn up then them. Seven sometimes felt upset about her friends, especially during the night, but sleep helped her through.

'Oh, Nine... You know that's not true,'

'Yes it is!' Nine yelled, waving his arms around in the air. 'I killed everyone! Two's death lead up to everyone else's! I know I didn't know them for a long time but... I _still_ killed them! I-I could've lost you... I could've lost the twins...'

Seven didn't know what to do. She sat there, watching Nine silently cry. The stitchpunks couldn't develop tears but stitchpunks were able to cry, just without them. He had his hands on his head and his elbows dug into his legs, softly crying. Seven knew that Nine was technically right; he did cause the machine to wake up and destroy the other stitchpunks. Seven knew that Nine seemed to develop a friendship with Five and there was no surprise there. They were similar in the ways that they thought and helped each other out throughout different situations.

But, Five was dead.

'Well... They could come back! The cells are still growing! I wonder what life they'll bring?' Seven responded with enthusiasm, tilting Nine's head up with her fingers. He still looked miserable.

'I don't think so... Their souls are free. But, I just want them back so I don't have to feel this guilt anymore,' Nine answered. 'I hate this feeling! I feel like there's something missing in my gut... And I just constantly feel sad. I want it to stop!'

Seven have him a sympathetic look as Nine looked up back at her with his eyes squinted and his face scrunched up.

'They didn't deserve this... I deserve this! I was the one who should've died, not them!' Nine yelled loudly, placing his hand on his zipper, slowly pulling it down and placing in inside of there. Seven gasped in shock. She knew what he was doing. Six had attempted it before but thankfully wasn't successful.

Nine was trying to kill himself.

With enough messing around inside and pulling things out, that could clearly kill a stitchpunk. Nine reached inside and slowly tried to pulled parts of his insides out of his body, until Seven grabbed his hand and pulled it towards her.

'WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!'

Nine looked up at her with a weak smile.

'Something I have to do. I don't want to be here anymore. Five told me that Six tried doing this a lot when we were on our way searching for Two. He told me exactly how Six tried to do it,' Nine responded. 'I'm going to do it, too. But I'm going to be successful,'

Nine struggled from Seven's grasp and placed his hand inside again, trying to pull different mechanical parts out of his body but faster. Seven was shocked. She couldn't let this happen right in front of her! But... She was scared.

 _Terrified._

She grabbed both his hands again and yelled 'Nine, please, stop! Stop what you are doing right now! Don't do this!'

Nine looked up at her, trying to form words but he couldn't. His mouth just hung open as Seven still held tightly onto his hands so he wouldn't do anymore harm to himself.

'But I have to do this! I deserve this!'

'No you don't! No one deserves this, including you! I don't want to lose you! Please, think about what you're doing!' Seven yelled, her voice wavering. 'I know that you feel upset about this but death isn't a good solution! Please, I beg of you, stop what you're doing!'

'I have to!'

His fingers reached further and further into his body, as he began to fiddle around inside, trying to pull things out. Seven grabbed onto his wrists again and looked deeply into his optics. Nine blinked his optics multiple times and stared back as he felt Seven's fingers tightly pierce his wrists. He looked at her deeply, noticing her concern and how scared she looked. It was something Nine never wanted to see.

He was able to struggle out of Seven's grasp and he pulled on his zipper, pulling it up to the top. A wave of relief washed over Seven. Nine felt awful. He dropped his hands and stared down towards the ground and cried. No tears came out but he cried and cried. Seven pulled him into her lap, wrapping her arms around the stitchpunk as his arms grabbed onto her shoulders and sobbed. He sat there, his body twitching slightly as heavy sobs escaped his mouth while Seven tightly held onto him, patting his back with comfort. He breathed heavily as small cries escaped his mouth and Seven continued to comfort him, holding him tight and keeping close.

Nine felt so upset.

He had accidentally killed other stitchpunks and attempted suicide, something he never thought he would ever do. He scared Seven. He scared himself.

'I-I'm sorry...' Nine whispered. 'I'm sorry I-I tried to kill myself,'

Seven held onto his shoulders and looked into his optics.

'You don't need to say sorry!' Seven replied with concern. 'Oh, Nine, I just thought I was going to lose you,'

Seven leaned in for another hug and wrapped her arms around his shoulders while Nine wrapped his around her waist, putting his head on her shoulder. His optics stayed open and he stared into the distance, thinking about what he did. He thought to himself about the whole situation and realized what could've happened. He could've left Seven and the twins all by themselves. He didn't want to do that. All he wanted was to not feel any pain or feel like burden anymore. Seven gave him another smile letting go of his shoulders.

'I think it's time you head back to bed,' Seven whispered, looking down towards his pillow. Nine nodded in response.

'Are you okay?'

'Hm? Yeah... I guess I'm just still shaken up why what just happened,' Nine responded with a yawn. Seven nodded and lied down next to him on the bed.

'Well, I'll stay with you for the night, just in case,' Seven replied with a smile. Nine smiled back and pulled the covers over himself, turning over to the wall while Seven turned the other way so only their backs were touching. She smiled to herself, knowing that everything was okay and fell asleep fairly quickly.

Nine stayed up all night and kept thinking about the deaths he had caused, as the guilty thoughts began racing through his mind again.

 _He wasn't okay._


End file.
